Honor Thyself

Simple ways to take the edge off a day without anyone noticing

by Sharon Day

September 1, 2005

H ad a nap lately? Fresh air at lunchtime? If you're like many women, simple self-care, like taking a break (or a vacation!) sounds decadent - completely selfish and self-serving.

At best, it's on your to-do list but is never checked off.

Even after a good decade of books and talk shows detailing how essential it is to take care of oneself, women still battle the negative connotations of selfishness. The archaic perception is that nothing gets done, time is wasted and people will think you're lazy if you stop for a few minutes and do something self-indulgent such as, oh ... stretching.

Throughout the ages women's primary role models have been martyr types. "Me first" ideas tug at ancient, gnarly roots of guilt. But, when we relentlessly shove ourselves forward through endless "do" cycles, our clients, bosses and children get a brittle, ragged-edged version of what we're really capable of doing and providing.

Instead of allowing guilt to stop you, cultivate a friendship with it. Guilt can be a clear signal that you're on the right track. And, instead of worrying that a colleague might notice, invite her to join you! Truth is, each small refueling investment, such as drinking water every hour or deliberately breathing deeply, repays exponentially in alertness, creativity and focus. I've seen it time and again, with clients and myself - instead of decreased productivity, the opposite happens: more accomplished in less time.

Joanne, a client of mine, recently called in desperation. Having bravely set aside a bustling career to complete her PhD, she was teetering on meltdown. A prior string of tragedies left her in a teeth-
gritting trudge through dissertation work while calming her shell-shocked family.

Once I pried Joanne's fingers loose from her Super Mom chest protector, she began to open teeny slices of space for revitalizing habits.

"Because we'd been through so much, I was constantly on high alert. I was petrified to relax or claim time for my thesis. What if my family really needed me?"

Joanne discovered that each small slice she gave herself paid off immensely with energized research and kudos from her professor.

Notably, her chronic stomachaches subsided, too. The bonus was a more confident and happy family. "I was sure they'd revolt when I started saying 'No'. What a miracle!"

Need a good scare?

Nieca Goldberg, chief of cardiac rehabilitation and chief of the Women's Heart Program at Lenox Hill Hospital in New York City, reports in her heart health book, Women Are Not Small Men, that one in two women dies of heart disease, and lack of self-care is a major cause. She says,

"Taking time for yourself should become your new priority . . . This time-out is not selfish, it's necessary."

Even relaxing is a challenge for most women, but you must give yourself permission to do just that: relax.

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Here, some tips on how to relax at the office or even in your own home so no one will ever notice.

Zero-Time Self-Care

MUSIC Play a commercial-free radio web-stream at your desk, like www.wabe.org/radio, or a favorite compilation - on CD, an iPod or MP3 player. Headphones allowed.

COLOR It's no secret that green elicits calm, and red incites passion. Use color deliberately. Wear purple for inspiration, yellow for mental clarity, or gaze at the blue sky for better verbal expression.

SCENT Let aromatherapy elevate your day. Place a few drops of invigorating peppermint oil on a tissue at your desk or in the car.

WATER Drink a 10-ounce glass right now. Medical experts suggest one ounce per two pounds of body weight each day.

Not Quite Zero-Time

BREATHE Stand, close your eyes and inhale. Exhale and feel every smidge of tension release. Take four more.

STRETCH While you're up, reach for the ceiling for a count of five, press your arms against the doorframe for shoulders and neck, then have a long dangle towards the floor.

SUNSHINE Step outside for one to five minutes where you'll absorb Vitamin D, which not only strengthens bones, but also triggers calm by increasing serotonin in your bloodstream.

WALK Walk, walk, walk.

EXPERIMENT On a scale of 1 to 10, rate your energy today at 3 p.m. Use these exercises to increase your energy.