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Are Enemies Lurking In Your Workplace?
Coping with the cost of success and techniques for dealing with office enemies
by Dr. Beverly Y. Langford, author of "The Etiquette Edge" and president of LMA Communication. Dr. Langford teaches management communication in the Robinson College of Business, Georgia State University.
July 28, 2008
Y
our coworkers invite each other to lunch, but never suggest that you come along.
You discover that you were the only person not invited to a colleague’s wedding. No matter
how hard you work, your manager seems to minimize your accomplishments and focus on giving others
credit.
Are you a wallflower or the office underachiever? Just the opposite. You are the
company’s rising star. Your division, which dragged through years of mediocrity, became the
company’s top performer when you took over the leadership. Unfortunately, the more things go
right in your life and your career, the more some of your relationships seem to suffer.
Why is it difficult to
get to the top without making people angry and resentful? Human nature makes it hard for the
" have nots" to rejoice with the "haves." In fact, it’s even hard for those who are among the
"haves" to be happy for those who have just a bit more.
Our society worships heroes on the rise: the small college team that knocks off the
national champ; the actress who wins an Emmy for her first series; the political novice who becomes
president.
Once one reaches the top, however, that person becomes fair game, not only with fans or
media but also with teammates or colleagues who resent or feel threatened by that person’s success.
Your own achievement may have created enemies who seem to have appeared out of nowhere.
How do you cope with this unfortunate price of success? Whether your adversaries
actually dislike you or simply resent your accomplishments, some guidelines may help as you
maneuver this tricky territory.
Do a reality check. Once you sense hostility toward you, step back from your
natural reaction of shock and hurt, and ask yourself if what that person is saying is true. Have
you been behaving narcissistically? Were you all too willing to take credit for a particular
success without acknowledging others’ contributions? Even mean-spirited evaluations may actually be
a favor because they cause you to analyze your behavior and identify changes you need to
make. Recognizing our shortcomings helps us to make progress toward development and maturity.
Talk about it. If your adversary is a specific individual, try to put a lid
on the badmouthing. Is it someone who criticizes everyone, or are you the specific target? Does
this person seek attention through controversy? Or, is the person someone whom you have wronged
either deliberately or inadvertently? Perhaps he or she wanted the position that you now
hold. In either case, a calm, low-key conversation could be in order. Choose non-threatening
location and talk about the issues. Ask questions to get to the heart of the issue rather than
making direct or accusing statements. End the conversation with by discussing what the two of you
can do to get along better.
Don’t take yourself too seriously. It’s difficult to hold a grudge against a
person who is the first to admit his or her failings and to laugh at them. Successful politicians
have learned well the lessons of criticizing themselves before someone else does. Moreover,
humor, particularly self-deprecating humor, can be engaging and can defuse a volatile situation.
Take the high ground. When we’ve been hurt, the natural reaction is to defend
ourselves using the same weapons as our opponent. Retaliation, however, may make you look like a
bully. Treat your attacker with respect, and avoid the temptation to tell the world how you really
feel about the unfair treatment. In fact, if you say nothing but good things about that person, his
or her verbal assaults on or about you will begin to backfire.
Accept the inevitable. Come to terms with the fact that getting to the top without
causing resentment and jealousy is almost impossible. No matter how hard you try to avoid making
enemies or what you do to make amends, some people are still going to be jealous of you or just
aren’t going to like you. That’s their problem. You can make the choice to behave in a
way that shows you deserve to be a winner.
Dr. Beverly Y. Langford is president of LMA Communication, a consulting, training, and coaching firm that works with organizations and individuals on strategic communication, effective interpersonal communication skills, team building, and leadership development. She also the author of "The Etiquette Edge." Dr. Langford teaches management communication in the Robinson College of Business at Georgia State University.
